Constructive conversations are essential in any relationship, including romantic ones. They allow for growth and understanding, which can help foster a strong connection. Conversely, destructive arguments can lead to tension and unhappiness. They can also lead to the breaking of trust and the deterioration of relationships. As such, it is important to have constructive conversations that build upon each other instead of tearing each other down.
If you have issues with your partner, consider talking to them. Make sure it is an intentional conversation so you do not let your emotions get away with you. A good, peaceful, honest dialogue is vital. This can help prevent arguments from happening in the first place.
Some common topics couples disagree on or argue about include: Money, chores, and sex are some of the most common issues. But each couple has its unique arguments that they always seem to be fighting about. For example, some couples argue about how often they should see each other. Others say about what to watch on TV or what food to order. And still, others argue about more serious topics like religion or politics. No matter the issue, it can be tough to resolve an argument between two people who are supposed to be in love.
Sometimes love calls us to work through the disagreement on a subject—the expression of concern when a personal boundary is crossed. Or even when it seems to be a “little thing,” such as laundry not making it to the hamper, or any resentment is not worth holding onto because it creates bitterness which can undermine true happiness.
It is best to learn how to share the good and the frustrating early on in a relationship, but if it didn’t start that way, there is always hope in changing your patterns of communicating your needs, concerns, or dissatisfactions. Three ways to open the door to communication are:
- Speak openly and honestly with your partner during a non-argumentative time about the best ways to communicate your needs with each other. Some prefer to write notes; others choose to use specific words such as “I feel like _____when you______.” Or even explicitly pointing out, “I want you to listen. I don’t need you to fix this, or can you help me find a solution to this problem?”
- Make sure you do a self-assessment before discussing anything that is bothering you. The idea is that you make sure to clean up your side of the frustration before discussing anything with your partner. Be open and honest with yourself about your role in the issue at hand. Of course, it is beneficial if your partner can agree to do the same, but this is a personal choice each of you has to make. Communication improves when thinking clearly, especially if your emotions are stirred up.
- Take time to strengthen your relationship through communication. Added time of long walks or pleasant evenings where you are simply spending time paying full attention to your partner and making yourself available to hear them truly. Sometimes genuinely being listened to and seen by your partner dissipates anything that may be brewing under the surface.
Choosing to spend your time, energy, and life with someone is a precious gift. Each partner needs to remember the value of this gift of themselves that their mate is giving them. Once you can fully understand the beauty of this gift, making time to communicate instead of arguing only makes the investment more precious all the way around.
