It happens in the best of relationships, but there will come a time that tests your emotions, usually the negative ones like anger, frustration, or judgment. So what you choose to do when the feelings get rocked in your world is very important. The first place to start is with yourself. Do a personal assessment of what is going on surrounding your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. For example, when someone else irritates us, it is just them intentionally or unintentionally hitting a nerve.
Looking at yourself first is essential; also, as looking at the circumstances. Are there added stressors creating an environment where emotions are easily rattled? For example, if you are dealing with a topic such as finances, unresolved emotional issues, or relational conflict, it is challenging not just to let those emotions pour out. Often, these exact moments are when we need to back off, take time to process our thoughts, and take a deep, cleansing breath before discussing anything with our partner.
When it comes to relationships, it’s essential to be in control of your emotions. Notice the word “you’re,” as it is only your emotions that you can control. Avoid trying to manipulate or control your partner’s emotions at all costs because it is incredibly unhealthy and often detrimental to a relationship. When you do find yourself in a conflict, you need to remember three things:
Your partner is not a mind reader.
Your partner cannot always tell when you’re upset or angry. Often we want our better half to “just know” we are upset or that we are very frustrated about something driving us to outright anger. The key is communication. If you don’t communicate how you’re feeling, they do not know. Instead, they can guess, leading to other issues, such as getting the guess completely wrong. Avoid the pitfall of wanting your partner to “just know” and instead set up a plan to discuss your thoughts instead of trying to make it their responsibility to guess. Guessing can lead to problems down the road.
Be aware of how you’re feeling and why behind them.
Self-awareness is a healthy exercise you should engage in, especially if you are in a relationship with another person. You can do many practices to become more self-aware, such as prayer, meditation, and counseling. Taking time to get honest with yourself makes you healthier mentally. This strengthened mental health helps you when issues arise. First, you can take responsibility for your things at a faster rate, and second, you can settle yourself down before dealing with the issue at hand.
Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.
Communication is critical in all relationships but is vital in a romantic relationship. If one of your habits is to isolate yourself when upset, this communication part will be challenging but not impossible. Determine the best way to communicate with your partner according to their needs. Do they like to share thoughts in a note, or do they want to sit down and discuss things? Find a comfortable medium for both of you to communicate. Be careful not to assume how you like to communicate is their method of choice. Pay attention to each other’s needs, and the healing conversation will flow in no time.
Avoid saying anything negative about your partner.
Do not allow your emotions to override your mouth. Watch your words, especially when negative emotions are at play. Some of the most hurtful things can pop out when you are angry, frustrated, or upset. Paying very close attention to your words is vital. Once you speak a word or accusation, it cannot simply disappear. Sometimes it takes years of apologies before your partner can genuinely forgive a painful attack. Even when you are upset, remember to focus on the positives of the relationship.
Everything is not rainbows and butterflies in relationships. Knowing how to “fight fair” and, most of all, understand your role in any given circumstance will lead to a much healthier outcome. So next time your romantic relationship heats up “in a bad way,” take time and be very thoughtful of your response.
